Annie’s birth parents reached out this week to ask for a visit. They’re getting along right now and apparently both in a healthy place for the moment, so Dan drove Shawna down to meet us at a park in Calabasas. It is hard but important to maintain good relationships with birth parents. I know everything they did wrong to have the state terminate parental rights. They have heard a lot of everything I’ve done right to have the state decide to give me those rights. It’s an uncomfortable place for all of us to be in, and Shawna admitted that she cried this morning in nervousness. My heart was racing beforehand, too. But we’re trying to put Annie first and do whatever is best for her. Both of them shared with me today that they’re convinced we should be the ones to raise her because their past life choices have made it too difficult, and they told me they’ve decided to ask their lawyers to stop the appeals. I don’t know whether that will actually happen, but I’m cautiously hopeful. Meanwhile, I brought my camera and took some pictures of them together to give Annie a memory of these other people who love her. And I brought her baby book that Mariana had started for her and had them fill out some information about themselves so that she knows that Dan is the one who loves all kinds of music and sleeps like a log, while Shawna is the one who loves horses and has always had the sass. Her hair comes from Dan’s mom’s side, and her tongue twisting abilities come from Shawna’s side. Annie showed off walking with her walker and sang “Blessed Assurance,” which Dan joined her in, to the delight of both of them. They know that we love Jesus and are teaching her to love Jesus.
I am sure that in years to come, our relationship will not be all smiles as we play in the water at the splash pad. I’m nervous about being an adoptive mom to a teenager who has never heard “No” from the other set of parents. I’m nervous about their reaction when they find out we’re legally changing her name. I’m nervous about when they’re not getting along (they’re divorced now, but still in each other’s lives). It would be naive to think that this could just always be beautiful and positive. Life choices and their long-term effects continue to complicate all of our lives–and will forever. But pray that for a long while yet, we’ll have times like this to make happy memories.
Looks like an all around positive experience! Great idea to take the memory book for them to write in. Just remember, God has this!
Life is hard and painful and beautiful too. You’ve captured all those qualities here in sharing about Dan and Shawna and yourself and Annie. Prayers for you all..