Letters from Pemberley

I have a new favorite book of the year–and every parent I know needs to read it!  I’d heard Rachel Jankovic on a Focus on the Family podcast or something this spring and randomly stuck her little book on my amazon wishlist.  Laura just got it for me for my birthday, and I read it on the drive from State College to Detroit.

Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches is essentially a collection of small essays on aspects of parenting.  I tend to be a bit suspicious of young Christians writing treatises on things they’re still figuring out (eg, I Kissed Dating Goodbye).  Not only do they often come off as overly idealistic (leading to a follow-up book later on to explain how they’ve modified their position, eg, Boy Meets Girl), but lately I’ve been saddened to read about a few cases (including a key couple in the aforementioned books) where unrealistic standards have led them to burn out and reject their faith altogether.  So I was cautious about this book.  The last thing I want is another guilt trip (from someone who actually may have less life experience than I) about all the areas where I’m failing as a Christian mom and a list of legalistic rules guaranteeing that my family will be “safe” and holy.  Fortunately, this book has none of that.

Yes, the author is writing “from the trenches” so to speak–her kids are 5, 4, 2 (twins), and a baby.  But she doesn’t preach.  Instead, she takes the struggles we parents of young kids have (the lost shoe right before church, the triple whammy of poopy diapers during the dinner prep hour, the middle-of-the night anger at your spouse when the baby is awake again, etc) and offers encouragement.  I found it particularly helpful that she admits there’s often a sticky spot in her living room floor that stays there for weeks, or that laundry mounds up, or that her kids fight (a lot).  Her life sounds a lot like mine, and her reactions sound a lot like mine.  She doesn’t offer a list of rules, but rather, she shares helpful analogies that might pop into my head next time I’m dealing with the big kids fighting over a book!

For those familiar with Tedd Tripp’s excellent book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Jankovic’s themes will sound very familiar (and very Biblical!).  I love that the focus is on fellowship and grace.  Several times, I had to go back and reread a section aloud to Derek because it was so pertinent to our vision as parents.  Although it’s applicable to all parents (moms, dads, working, at home) and all sizes of families, I felt like she often spoke right to my heart as a stay-at-home mom of three.  There’s so much underlined that I could quote the whole book, but I’ll just pick out a few of my absolute favorite quotes.

“When Scripture says to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, it is not talking about finding the most effective way to organize them…Christian childrearing is a pastoral pursuit, not an organizational challenge.” (49-50)

“Prioritize your children far and away above the other work you need to get done.  They are the only part of your work that really matters.” (51)

“Most of the time the children do not know that what they are doing is overwhelming.  This is because they do not forget that they are individuals.”  (53)

“…our bodies are tools, not treasures…Motherhood uses your body in the way God designed it to be used…Scars and stretch marks and muffin tops are all part of your kingdom work.” (58-59)

Lastly, Jankovic understands that young moms, especially, have very little time to read.  Her chapters are 2-6 pages long–so it’s actually possible to read one little bit and ponder it throughout the rest of the day.  I plan to keep my book out on the kitchen counter for a few weeks for when I need a burst of encouragement amidst unpacking in our new home!