“At my time of life opinions are tolerably fixed. It is not likely that I should now see or hear anything to change them.”
–Marianne Dashwood, age 16
My students and I have to laugh at Marianne as we discuss her this week–surely 16 is too early to know everything about life! But it’s funny…at the ancient age of 27, I’ve recently realized that I am changing my opinions on several things I thought I would. A wise older woman told me before Tommy was born that parenting is a journey of compromising your ideals. At the time I was self-righteously sure that this comment was a weenie’s way out! I had thought through things (at the mature age of 24) and knew what I was doing–I had no idea what my friend really meant. Three years later, Derek and I are still committed to the fundamental goals–raising our children to love God, for starters. But some of our ideals were unrealistic and ill-informed. The reality of life–and some of the difficult situations we’ve faced since having kids–means that I can’t be the supermom I had constructed in my mind. I want to have a perfectly clean house, decorate like my most creative girlfriends, have company over every week, cook gourmet from-scratch meals, teach online English classes, be involved in my church and in the community, cultivate deep and lasting friendships with a variety of women, practice my crafty hobbies, stay intellectually challenged, breastfeed each child for a full year, get back to my pre-pregnancy weight after every child, teach Tommy French, Latin, and Greek by age 3 (just two weeks left to get that one done!), oh…and be there for my kids whenever they need me (let’s not think about homeschooling 6 kids eventually). So maybe I’m a little overambitious! It takes constant discernment, not auto-pilot, to decide each new year how to parent, how to live out our Christian faith in the place God has us at the time, and how to be involved (or not involved) with those around us. Lately I’ve been convicted that I need to go back and apologize to older, wiser people–my mom being the first one on the list–whose wisdom I ignored in my immature overconfidence. And I’ve realized the need to sit at the feet of older, more experienced women in the church, not just other young moms who probably are still growing in discernment, too! (But Kristen, we still need to discuss kid poop several times a week, so don’t stop calling me!) In all humility, I’m still figuring out this Proverbs 31 thing.
Kid poop is important. Seriously.
And I agree. I find, tho, that there are very few of those women in my life. My mom, yes, but not many others. Kinda sad.
I am learning a lot about my expectations of myself lately (extremely unrealistic), and am suffering the bursting of my perfectionism bubble. It’s a terrible place to be… but also a good reminder that, while I am incapable, God is capable. Sigh.
Anyway… thanks for this post. Thanks for being intentional about parenting. A good friend just posted a weekend series on her blog about the things she wants of her kids as they grow up. It was a good reminder to think through these things and not just expect them to happen (tho, that would be much easier!).
I like this post…it gives us young mommies something to think about. It’s good to humble ourselves once in a while and learn from others.