(Note: this is Derek, checking the drafts I’ve had pending on the blog as I log in for the first time in a few years. Might as well start publishing them….)
Em and I have been parents for nearly ten years now, which is pretty surprising when I type it out. And I know that parents often love dispensing parenting advice. I don’t really like to. But, I can’t help but give these three tips, if you’re inclined to consider them. They come from friends around us and arise from my own experience, and I pass them along to you.
1. Before having your first child. Spend time together, doing things that are not very child-friendly (or, at least, not very baby-friendly). For example, Em and I visited the movie theater (while in law school, so it was the dollar show) weekly in the last trimester of her pregnancy–it’s not kid friendly, and it’s 3 hours of babysitting you’d have to sink into what would otherwise be a light date night. Spontaneous overnight trips, hiking and camping, decent restaurants… the kinds of things that would require a lot of planning, childcare, or extra accommodations.
2. Before having your second child. Buy a “big sibling” gift for the older sibling who’ll now be edged out as the sole source of attention. Deliver the gift “from” the new baby to the older sibling at the hospital. Tommy got a train set from Lizzie; Tommy and Lizzie got sleeping bags from Susie; Tommy, Lizzie, and Susie got scooters from Janie.
3. As the kids grow up. Take time, at least once a year, for a one-on-one trip with each child to something where you can spend quality time together. I’ve taken Tommy on day trips to Cubs, Pirates, Giants, and Angels games, or the auto show. I’ve taken Lizzie to a ballet and dinner. I’ve started that with Susie, too. As they get older, maybe camping, or overnight trips somewhere, with each one. That can be a quality time to invest in each child individually.