Letters from Pemberley

Practicing hospitality is a Biblical command, and I’ve been thinking about hospitality a lot these past few days, ever since a member of our community group said, “It’s so expensive to live in the city–I mean, you have to go out to eat all the time to socialize.”  Conversation went from there, including a mention of a remarkable couple who only go out to eat once a week (not counting “fast food” after church on Sundays).  Derek and I looked at each other in disbelief–we can probably count on our fingers the times we’ve gone out to eat with local friends in the five and a half years of our marriage!

I categorically deny that you “have” to go out to eat to socialize, and I would argue that having people into your own home for a meal and fellowship is the heart of Biblical hospitality.  I’m inclined to say that if I can do it, anyone can.  Here are some common excuses I’ve made myself or heard–and my answers to them…

• We’re too busy.  Well, we’re all busy these days, so hospitality, like everything else, has to be planned.  You may be able to call some people up at the last minute and meet at a restaurant for dinner, but you can ask people over for dinner at the last minute, too, if you’ve planned ahead and have groceries in your kitchen.  A friend’s parents I know invited people over after church almost every Sunday, and because it was a tradition, they planned for company every week (even if they didn’t know yet who that company would be).  Derek and I aspire to be like that someday!
• We live too far away.  That’s the number one explanation I’ve heard for why people can’t come to my house–I live 25 minutes from downtown.   It’s obviously going to depend on where you live, but here in Chicago, you can easily drive 30 minutes to meet someone at a restaurant.  I just don’t think it’s a legitimate excuse for not trying to ask people over.  When we do manage to have company, we try to make sure it’s worth their time–a nice meal, homemade dessert, games, and fellowship.  We’re not asking them over for 30 minutes and then kicking them out of the door!  The Gentrys (mentioned above) often had people in their home all Sunday afternoon and into the evening.  Also, we have out-of-town company all the time.  Again, it took some planning to get the Simpsons and Talcotts here in October, and it’s taking some planning to get all of us up to the Simpsons next weekend, but the benefits of fellowship outweigh the time involved travelling.
• Our house is too messy.  One of the benefits of having people in your home every week, as we do, is that you can’t let your house get too out of control!  I do have to run around and tidy before Bible study each week, but that means that things can’t sit out in chaos for more than a week!  Also, I think it’s important not to think your home has to be perfect to have people over.  I’ve found that the more I have a friend over, the more I’m okay with her seeing the kids’ toys strewn around the library or the inevitable cheerios hiding in corners. 
• It’s expensive to feed company.  You can feed a whole family plus company for less than the price of an out-to-eat meal.  And usually our company will bring a side or a dessert!
• It’s hard at this stage of life.  Okay, that is always going to be an excuse at any stage of life!  I said this when I was working and Derek was in school all day, and I sure was clueless about how much easier it was back then.  I have been graciously hosted by pregnant friends, friends just moving in to a new home, and a friend who has chronic pain and insomnia.  That makes hosting with a nursing infant and a crabby toddler seem like a piece of cake!   We actually had a lot of company when Elizabeth was a newborn, and everyone pitched in to help and understood that it wasn’t going to be perfect.
• I don’t have time to cook/I don’t know how to cook.  When we were first married, I developed some basic company meals that I knew I could do, and I’ve expanded my repertory since then.  It used to be spaghetti and salad (and you don’t have to make the sauce like we do–anyone can open a jar), and it’s expanded to pork roast with carrots and potatoes (a great crock pot meal), tacos (you just have to brown meat and chop things), chili (again, just have to brown meat and dump in cans of things–another good crockpot meal), and homemade pizza.  On play dates with other moms and young kids, the menu is usually box macaroni and cheese and fruit.  We don’t care, and the kids are just as happy with the $2 meal as if we all had McDonalds and spent $20. 
• I have roommates/I don’t have a good place to cook or seat people in my tiny apartment.  My single friends sometimes have to okay company with their roommates or offer to come over and help me make dinner in my kitchen–either way, I’m blessed!  For the first 16 months of marriage, we seated people around our folding table.  Some of my best memories of dinner with church friends growing up involved sitting with a plate on my lap on a couch.

What other excuses have you made or heard?  Can you ask me if I’ve been practicing hospitality like I want to?